Don’t I lace you with the Gucci…Written by: Slim
THE 2010 SCOUTING COMBINE:
They came, they saw, they conquered…
Before I start on the recent events that took place at the combine, I would like everyone to know that I watched over 30 hours of coverage and the following 10 items went through my mind while taking it all in:
1.) I think I said “That dude is terrifying…TERRIFYING”, 651 times.
2.) I feel like the Rams could use a shifty 5’6’’ white guy like me in their defense backfield…
3.) Terrance “Mount” Cody…EAT MORE, seriously!
4.) I wish my name was Montario Hardesty.
5.) I really want dreads…
6.) Did Rich Eisen really just run a 6.38?
7.) How is Texas LB Sergio Kindle going to explain his “car crashing into an apartment” incident during the interviews? Hopefully he spoke about it in person and not via text. (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=4294788)
8.) I am naming my first child, boy or girl Jacoby…that boy can run.
9.) There is a lot of spandex going on…
10.) I miss Mike Mamula.
I picked 5 players, 3 brothas and 2 token white boys to focus on…AND AWAY WE GO:
Taylor Mays Safety, USC:
First and foremost, this dude looks like an Avatar…and not a nice one, a mean one, who rides dragons and stuff. He had an unreal combine capping it off with a 4.24 unofficial 40 time. Let’s think about how fast that is because times have been inflated since the dawn of time. A short story to prove my point…do you remember in high school when 40’s were timed with a stop watch and somehow, even though you lived in a suburb with really nice houses, lakes and Applebee’s for daysss, 19 guys on your football team ran a sub 4.4? Well, let’s just put this to rest, they really ran a 4.92 (Sorry Timmy Jones from Olympia High). Taylor Mays is really fast and a laser timed him, no stop watch here. There is no doubt that Al Davis and Oakland will pick him at #8…They are so very good at drafting: Robert Gallery, Fabian Washington, Michael Huff, JaMarcus Russell, Darren McFadden, Darrius Heyward-Bey. BUST, BUST, BUST, BUST, BUST, BUST…Good luck T. Mays…I suggest bringing your dragon to Oakland with you. Editor note: Did Al Davis die 3 years ago, good god!
Bruce Campbell OT, Maryland:
Remember earlier when I mentioned I thought these guys are terrifying 651 times? 623 were about Bruce Campbell…OH MY GOD, he looks like he could steal my girlfriend and her sister, beat up Bam Bam Bigelow, drink a protein shake, dunk on a 12 foot hoop, electric slide all over town, and star in “Conan the Barbarian”…all at the same time. I mean the dude is 6’6’’, 314 lbs, runs a 4.85, 34 reps at 225 lbs, 32 inch vertical, let’s just say his stats are the exact opposite of mine, which is a good thing, I’m not a great run blocker. If I could choose anyone in the entire world to fight Clay Bennett, it would be Bruce Campbell, KNOW THAT. Late first round…#27 to the Cowboys.
Terrence “Mount” Cody DT, Alabama:
While most guys are tearing up the gym, running and training to prepare for the combine, T. Cody has been really getting after the local Sizzler…I mean, although crazy delicious, the Sizzler is not a good spot to prepare for the combine. He weighed in at a robust 354 lbs and had the slowest time in the 40, 5.68 among all DTs.…The one positive Terrence has, and I hope it is okay to call him Terrence, is that he has dreads, which is cool to very cool. In case he actually has a sack in the league he can shake these aforementioned dreads, which is always a crowd favorite. In conclusion, Terrence, the next time you are heading to the Olive Garden for the all you can eat pasta bowl…don’t do it! Late second round to the Saints, #64…(Can you say Jambalaya?)
Toby Gerhart RB, Stanford:
Before I start, I got to get this off my chest…Toby Gerhart IS Lennie from “Of Mice and Men”…he looks like him, he is big like him, he even had three rabbits with him at the combine. I like Gerhart, I mean
he starts on the Stanford baseball team, that is how athletic he is, but there is no way he is going to play RB in the NFL, NO WAY! There is a better chance Ben Roethlisberger gets another sexual assault charge, wait, ohhhh boy! So you’re saying he has a chance…Toby needs to become an H-back A-LA Chris Cooley…and hopefully with that comes a cool blog and a dime piece cheerleader of his own…T. Gerhart, 3rd round to the 49ers with pick #79.
Tim Tebow QB, Florida:
Timothy Richard Tebow, that of the 6’3’’ 230 pound frame with the brown eyes that can end wars is the biggest question mark at the combine and in the draft. During the combine, Tim proved his worth, showing great athleticism and as always conducted stellar interviews. Also, there are swirling rumors of a new throwing delivery that has the NFL world buzzing more than his internet girlfriend fiasco. Tim will get a chance to play QB at the next level and only time will tell if he becomes the next Steve Young or Ty Detmer. Good luck Tim, and hey brotha, when the ladies start hollering in the NFL, have some fun, you deserve it and remember to tell them what the bank robber told the teller, Just throw it in the bag! Third Round to the Colts at #94…Peyton Manning heir apparent?