You would think I run the world like Michelle’s husband…
Written by: Slim

Wheels Down, One-on-One with Larry “Grandmama” Johnson
WHAT IT LOOK LIKE!

Interviewer: DY
Interviewee: Larry “Grandmama” Johnson

DY:
Larry, Larry, Larry, how the hell are you? I haven’t seen or heard about you since the famous four point play against Indiana in the playoffs followed by the “L” sign. What’s been good Grandmama?

LJ: Thanks for having me, yeah that was a great moment, a 4-point play in Antonio Davis’s face! Ha, the good ol’ days…I have just been hanging out, actually got my degree from UNLV…no Coach Tark or Stacey Augmon this time. Other than that, just enjoying life, I mean I did have a 12 year, $84 million dollar contract at one point, so you know I am killing it now. And don’t call me grandmama

DY: So grandmama, I think the readers are dying to know…how was it working with Steve Urkel on the “Family Matters” set? You and Urkel killed Eddie and Spider in that 2 on 2 tournament. Was Urkel any good or are did you just carry the team.
Grandmama DOING WORK

LJ: Urkel has some game, but my shoulders hurt after that tournament from carrying the team, I mean I played in a dress, wig and old lady hat and still put up monster numbers. That was really fun doing that show, and for all that wonder…YES, Laura Winslow is a fox.

DY: I am sorry to keep pushing on this subject but I truly can’t get over the fact that a group of Harvard MBAs from Converse got together and the best marketing idea they had was to dress you up like an old lady and call you grandmama? Did anyone get fired?

CONVERSE COMMERCIAL

LJ: I wasn’t too hot on the idea at first, but they really sold me on it and it took off, I mean everyone from China to Africa new my alter ego. And let’s just say the ladies loved it…I was bagging more than a Safeway checker, if you catch my drift.

DY: Ok ok, Grandmama, a little too much information…but seriously how were they?

LJ: They just loved the big…

DY: Alright, alright LJ, next question…Any thoughts on a comeback? I mean WWE’s Undertaker is still suplexing dudes and he is like 70. I need the gold tooth and line in the hair, back in the league.

LJ: I am done with the league, the NBA is now full of stiffs and crazies; I mean Ron Artest admitted drinking Hennessy Cognac during halftime. You got “Big Baby” Davis crying on the bench last year and Stephen Jackson shooting guns in the air. These kids are out of their mind these days. It’s not like it was when Zo’ and I were running a train on the league.
DY: So a simple NO to the comeback, that is all you had to say…

LJ: No comeback, although…I could still average 15 and 6 for the Nets…they are bad, I mean Chris Quinn and Trenton Hassell get some run with that team, that is not a good sign.
DY: Let’s take it really far back, how crazy was it in Vegas when you went to UNLV? I mean don’t tell me you guys actually attended class? I need some stories that make the “Hangover” plot look like a light Tuesday night for you guys.

LJ: HAHA, Well, we all took an oath as teammates to not share those stories, but let me tell you we did some crazy sh*t! And to Greg Anthony, (hopefully you or your wife are not reading this), Greg, you are one sick fu*k, I mean I have met some sick guys in my day, but this guy takes the cake. HAHA, we were young college kids, in Vegas, winning titles and having the world at our feet.
DY: C’mon Grandmama, one story…I need this!

LJ: Alright, just one, but you got to stop calling me grandmama before I equalize you…

DY: I don’t even know what that means…

LJ: Alright, one night after waxing BYU, all the guys went out to the MGM grand to celebrate. We were tearing it up, drinking, dancing, not having a care in the world, although we had practice the next morning at 8am. Next thing we know this old guy starts buying us champagne and yapping it up with us. Suddenly he jumps on the stage in front and starts singing “New York, New York”…he waves all of us up on stage and we help him finish the song. The crowd goes wild and we finally finish with a group cheers or “L’Chaim” as he put it. Little do we know that we just sang and drank with “old blue eyes”,Frank Sinatra. We hang out with Frank the rest of the night and get absolutely blitzed; let’s just say that coach Tark is not going to be happy with the 8am practice. We ended up everywhere that night…Stacey was found underneath the craps table, Greg (the sick fu*k that he is) woke up in the 5 star restaurant’s kitchen naked as the day he was born. Anderson Hunt and I got home okay, but actually and unknowingly prank called coach Tark and told him none of us are going to make it to practice. We all get to practice at around 8am looking like dog shi*t and Tark starts to lay into us. Next thing you know I tell coach we have a surprise for him. Looking less then pleased, coach says, “What is it LJ and it better be good”…Next thing you know Frank Sinatra comes out and proceeds to tell the coach that it was his fault we were out late and to be easy on us. Tark is floored (Frank was his favorite, I mean who doesn’t like the song “That’s Life”), so he gives us the morning off and ends up talking with Frank till about 2pm. Great night, great man, that is all I got for ya. UNLV was a blur…

DY: Larry…that is a great story and thanks for sharing that with us. Well, this has been a successful interv
iew to say the least and be sure to let us know when the grandmama outfit is going to be dusted off and back in action. Have a good one LJ.

LJ: No problem, have a good one. Word APPPP!

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About the author

Slim had written 144 articles for Slim With The Tilted Brim