I had a dream I can buy my way to heaven, when I awoke I spent that on a necklace…
Written by: Slim

Today, I am going to a double dip (which is my go to move with chips and salsa)…

Let us BANG out the rest of the AFC west today with the Oakland Raiders and San Diego Chargers:

Raiders Offense:
The Raider offense has finally ousted quarterback JaMarcus Russell, who is now home in Louisiana sipping as much Syrup as his 6’6” frame can handle.  This year, they are going to have to rely a lot on Running Back Darren McFadden.  McFadden has had trouble with injuries in his short career but has started off 2010 ablaze and will be counted on to carry the offensive load.  TE Zach Miller is also a bright spot and will be needed to catch a lot of balls.
Chargers Offense:
The Chargers start off a season without LaDanian Tomlinson for the first time since 2001.  This means rookie RBs Ryan Matthews and Darren Sproles need to step up.  QB Phillip Rivers has weapons around him such as TE and future Hall of Famer Anotonio Gates and WRs Malcom Floyd and Legedu Naanee.  The suspension of WR Vincent Jackson really hurts them…he is a beast!

Raiders Defense:
Defensive Back Blanket: NNAMDI ASOMUGHA…that is all you need to know. 
Chargers Defense:
Their defense is summed up in one player…hurt and overrated monster DE Shawne Merriman has 4 tackles this year, ENOUGH SAID, they are bad.

Raider Cheerleader I want to tuck in my pocket and save for a rainy day:
Aimee: First and foremost, I LOVE YOU!  Your intelligence, your humor, your modesty…Who are we kidding, you are a F’ING BRUNETTE DIME PIECE!

Charger Cheerleader I would sell my kidney on the black market in exchange for a boob grab:
Michelle, you seem like a very bright girl who never tries to get anything in life with her good looks or body parts…Somewhere, Pinocchio’s nose is getting bigger and bigger…

Oakland Raiders are known for:
-Crazy, intense, psycho fans with spikes, face paint and no lives…

-An owner who looks like he died 4 years ago and is basically “Bernie” from Weekend at Bernies…
-Silver and Black…

San Diego Chargers are known for:
TE Kellen Winslow Sr. being carried off the field after a 13 catch 166 yard performance in the playoffs in 1981.
-LaDanian and his cool f’ing BLACK Visor!
-Shawne Merriman beating up QBs, Reality TV stars and everything in his way.

Raider We Wish was Still Playing:
I mean, can you say: “Bo knows Oakland?”

Charger We Wish was Still Playing:
Who doesn’t miss Dan Fouts…what a QB!  6-Time Pro Bowl Selection…

Best name on the Raiders:
LB Kamerion Wimbley not only has a great name, but at 6’4” 255lbs can beat you up if you don’t like it. 
Best name on the Chargers:
Long Snapper Antwan Applewhite…what a name, what a shit*y position. 

Raider I would like to play Battleship with:
“Hey Rock Cartwright…B-4 Motha Fuc*er!”

Charger I would like to crush in Operation:
I believe I would have a much steadier hand than LB Shaun Phillips!  Steady, STEADY Mr. Phillips!

Raider 2010 Record:
The Raiders are much improved in 2010…going 5-11 in 2009 and starting off 1-3.  They will finish 7-9 and are a few years away from the playoffs.
Charger 2010 Record:
2009 record of 13-3 but have started 2010 slow at 2-2…with all of the injuries, departures, and suspensions, the Chargers will go 9-7.

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About the author

Slim had written 144 articles for Slim With The Tilted Brim