Young and I’m buck wild labeled as a love-child…
Written by: Slim

The HOUSTON TEXANS are on the clock…
This next guest writer is none other than my boy Morgan G…hailing from Newport Beach, CA, Morgan now dominates the Seattle sports and bar scene harder than Warren Moon.  (Editors note: W. Moon has been known to freak dance at a variety of Seattle bars then rumble home in his luxury car wasted).

MG BIO:
Two biggest loves in life are burritos and mid-calf socks.
-Is very fun to play “Drink if you have ever…” with.
-Knows every single movie/actor known to man.
-Has been recently overcome with the “shake weight” movement.
-Hates rental cars.
-Hates most chicks.
-Loves most chicks.
-Would sell his soul to the devil to be a ***** (5-Star) recruit from SOCAL with a mean streak.

HOUSTON TEXANS, By Morgan G.Intro:
The Houston Texans have only been playing football since 2002, but they have definitely become a legitimate AFC South division contender recently.  Long gone are the days of David Carr getting sacked an NFL record 76 times and spending more time on his back than a freshman Tri-Delt on a fraternity sleeping porch.

Offense:
The Texans are lead by the new age Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin trio with Matt Schaub, Arian Foster and Andre Johnson respectively.  This 3-headed monster will give Houston a well-balanced attack for years to come.  Although Matt Schaub looks like Ben Affleck after a week-long bender, he had a Pro-Bowl year in 2009 when he led the league in passing yards, completions and yards per game. He also somehow snared this dime-piece as his wife….must be his winning smile and not his $48 million contract, right Laurie?  Arian Foster is the breakout RB of the 2010 season and has gone from an undrafted free agent to leading the league in rushing. Turns out he’s a quiet guy who likes to write poetry and children’s books…..Arian, how about you stick to scoring TD’s and not writing the next Berenstain Bears classic, ok buddy? Now we get to Andre Johnson who is the unquestioned best receiver in the NFL.  At 6’3 and 230 pounds with sub 4.4 speed and a 41 inch vertical leap, this dude is like a Madden create-a-player.  Andre could make even 3rd string QB Matt Leinart look good, can you say bust?!?

<a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=gpWqMqrZwTU?fs">http://youtube.com/watch?v=gpWqMqrZwTU?fs</a>

Defense:
The defense for the Texans has some great individual players but they have been getting absolutely torched this season.  Their star is former #1 overall draft pick “Super” Mario Williams who might be the most unheralded defensive player in the league.  Their LB’s are solid with DeMeco Ryans (who just ruptured his achilles…too soon slim?) manning the middle and Brian “All-Natural” Cushing roaming the outside with his Latimer like antics….A Place at the Table!!! Their secondary is lead by, well nobody, because they are just bad. They are currently giving up the most passing yards in the league.

Best name on the team:
DB Sherrick McManis…..Top O’ the morning to ya my Irish brother.

Former Player I wish was still a Texan:
QB Sage Rosenfels….he believes he can fly.

<a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=j3_hi7gOjE0?fs">http://youtube.com/watch?v=j3_hi7gOjE0?fs</a>

Cheerleaders I would sell my roommate into indentured servitude for:
I present Brandi and Randi…… (There are no words)
2010 Record: Although they have been dealing with some injuries to key players and their defense couldn’t stop the Seattle Mist of the Lingerie Football League, I believe their offense will carry them to a 9-7 record this year.

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About the author

Slim had written 144 articles for Slim With The Tilted Brim