They say I was the abomination of Obama’s nation…Well, that’s a pretty bad way to start the conversation.Written by: Slim
The SHOELACE WONDER
So right out of the gate, one player rose to the top of the NCAA football world like an old Jewish Rabbi in the Dead Sea. This player was Michigan QB, #16 Denard Robinson. Although, Michigan and Denard ended up losing some games and not winning the Heisman, DROB still deserves some recognition for the season he just had.
DENARD XAVIER ROBINSON…QB#1 for the University Michigan Wolverines.
This sophomore QB has taken the country by storm leading the NCAA in rushing with 1,702 yards with 15 TDs on the ground and another 18 in the air with over 4,200 yards of total offense.
He is in one word: Magnifique!
Some quick facts about our boy Denard:
-From Deerfield Beach HS in Florida (same high school as rapper ACE HOOD).
-State Champion Track Athlete in the 4×100.
-40 yard dash clocked in 4.32 seconds…running like his hair is on fire. And when I say hair, I mean DREADS!
-Won 2010 Big Ten Offensive Player of the year voted on by the Coaches and Media.
-2010 All Big-Ten First team.
-NCAA Football record for rushing yards by a QB in a season.
-Only player in NCAA history to rush and throw for over 1,500 yards in a single season.
You know this guy was born in 1990 right? Make you depressed yet?
Alright, it is now time to talk about the coolest fact in college football today:
Denard does all of his high stepping and TD running without tying his shoes. Let that rack through the brain a little bit: HE DOESN’T TIE HIS SHOES! That is like a fireman putting out a fire without a hose…kind of, not really, but you know what I mean.
The story behind THE SHOELACE WONDER:
Denard simply never tied his shoes in pee-wee football, so he continued it in High School and college. Yep, it is as simple as that. It is like that friend of yours that pissed himself in grade school and continued that habit in high school and college. Not as cool as the SHOELACE WONDER though.
His HS coach describes Denard’s unbelievable habit:
“After 25 years coaching, if the kid can throw it 90 yards in the air and is accurate and the kid can run as fast as he does … as long as he feels comfortable, not lacing his shoes, fine with me. The kid’s been doing it all his life, why mess with it?”
Michigan QB coach Rod Smith has this to say:
“”It’s the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen…Anybody that runs that fast I’m not going to tell him how to tie his shoes.”
Alright, moving on…there is another famous Michigan QB that plays in the NFL. Maybe you know him:
-He has won three Super Bowls…
-Married to the most famous super model in the world…
-And has a stronger jaw than Muhammad Ali…
Yes ladies, I am talking about the dreamboat Tom Brady, who quarterbacked Michigan in 1998 and 1999. Slim is now going to look on what the two QBs have in common…cough cough, or not in common.
Tom Brady: John Mayer, Jack Johnson, Yanni…really anything that gets Gisele in the mood.
Denard Robinson: Lil’ Wayne, Lil’ Boosie, Lil’ Jon, Young Dro, Young Joc, Young Jeezy (Anything with Lil’ or Young) and finally K-Ci & JoJo (for the ladies).<
Tom Brady: Bieber look…
Denard Robinson: What rhymes with spreads? OH YEAH, DREADS!
Tom Brady: 5.2 (The picture below is of Tom right before he ran at the NFL Combine)
Denard Robinson: 4.3, flying down field like a bat out of hell.
Tom Brady: Anything Brazilian…so Camarões com Palmito for dayyys.
Denard Robinson: Slim cannot disclose this information without getting in trouble with Jesse Jackson or the ALCU.
Tom Brady: Face to face and eyes open…I mean Gisele is that good looking!
Denard Robinson: The “Denard Special” which consists of him sprinting the entire length of the room and doing a triple axel into the bed in one fluid motion. That is all I can say, but the French judges give it a 9/10.
Drink at Starbucks:
Tom Brady: Double Ristretto Venti, Nonfat, Organic, Chocolate Brownie Frappuccino, Extra Hot with Foam and Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended.
Denard Robinson: Grape Drink (some sort of juice).
Go To Accessory:
Tom Brady: Marc Jacobs Scarf and matching belt.
Denard Robinson: Anything with the Michigan “maize and blue” in it!
More Denard Fun Facts:
-Denard is Pig Latin for “Enard Day”…which has an underlined meaning of “man who shall eat up yards…”
-Denard once ate at a Chinese restaurant in the early 90’s and when he opened his fortune cookie, it said: “Thou shall not tie shoes…”
-When chicks have sex with God, they scream: “Oh Denard…”
-Denard, unlike Slim does not use the Shake Weight.
-Denard Robinson is so athletic he played baseball once and went 4 for 3. True Story!
-Enrolled in the school of Kinesilogy (study of human movement), so I guess his need for speed makes sense.
-Denard, who seemingly can do everything on the football field, can’t punt to save his life.
So we end on a good note…with Slim fully endorsing Denard Robinson as a 2011 Heisman Trophy candidate. You do not need me to say anymore, just sit and watch Denard:
About the author
Slim had written 144 articles for Slim With The Tilted Brim