I got a couple cars I never get to use…Don’t like my women single, Cam Newton likes his chicks in twos.Written by: Slim
10.) Tackle machine, Sack master, All-American beast, #90 Nick Fairley. This 6’5 300+ DT is one of the reasons why the Tigers have made the National Championship game. What is on Nick’s menu January 10th one might ask? A large diet of duck confit sprinkled with a little Darron Thomas and LaMichael James!
The Fairley family…five generations of large family breeding for daysss.
9.) Auburn plays in the SEC, which is what all commentators/analysts/fans call the toughest conference in the nation. I mean, they do have perennial powerhouse Vanderbilt in their conference. C’mon MAN! Also, Auburn played the likes of Arkansas State, Louisiana-Monroe and Chattanooga this year, watch out. So, this might be a reason to worry right? Nope, they played and beat five top 20 teams…they will be just fine.
8.) Auburn’s head coach Gene Chizik scares me…and I am not talking Neve Campbell in “Scream” scared, I am talking about scared like I better do what coach Chizik wants me to do. Chizik is southern, mysterious and he has a “Z” in his name, so he is frightening. Auburn better have used the month long layoff to prepare for the high flying ducks or else they will have to answer to coach.
7.) Cam Newton’s supporting cast on offense isn’t half bad:
-Onterio McCalebb (Who has a spot on my favorite name list): 763 yards rushing with 9 TDs
-Darvin Adams: 909 yards receiving with 7 TDs
-Emory Blake: 7 receiving TDs
-Michael Dyer: 950 yards rushing with 5 TDs
Players who unfortunately will not be playing:
6.) All of the Auburn players have been praying for a win at the infamous Holy Zion Center of Deliverance Church, whose pastor is ironically Cecil Newton Sr. (Cam’s dad) and whose mortgage payments and debt were also ironically paid off right before the season started…At least they have God on their side, and of course Benjamin Franklin.
As Puff Daddy always likes to remind us…ITS ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS BABY!
5.) TWO WORDS: SOUTHERN BELLES!
4.) “Those Down South Auburn Boys”…Who doesn’t love good white boys rapping up a storm:
Enjoy, I know I did:
3.) The Cuisine is much better in the south:
-Catfish and Oysters
-Muscadines and Scuppernongs
-Pork, in every possible way, but always slow cooked.
-Chili on chili…
-Sausage and cheese balls.
-Pies, Pies, Pies…Peach, apple cobbler, and of course glazed pecan (pronounced in the south: PEE-CAN)
2.) Great history to the football program:
-78 winning seasons
-35 bowl appearances
-11 undefeated seasons
-10 conference championships
-3 Heisman trophy winners
And Slim’s personal favorite historical fact:
The first bowl game in Auburn football’s illustrious history was of course the 1936 Bacardi Bowl in Havana, Cuba. THE BACARDI BOWL! That is like having the Jägerbomb Bowl in Jersey circa 2010!
IT’S T-SHIRT TIME!!!!! If you don’t know what that means, you just don’t know.
1.) Auburn’s 6’6 QB CAMERON JERRELL NEWTON… The Heisman trophy winning, teach me how to dougie dancing, clean looking haired junior is the best player in the nation, bar none. Cam’s epic season included 2,589 passing with 28 TDs and 1,409 rushing with 20 TDs and a receiving TD for good measure! I mean, just check the video.