If Jeezy payin LeBron, I’m paying Dwayne Wade…
Written by: Slim
It is Friday, two days before Super Bowl XLV between the Green Bay Packers and Pittsburgh Steelers. Two days before mounds of seven layer dip, 7 million dollar commercials, bud lights, chicken wings, more bud lights, con queso dip (Yes, that translates to “with cheese dip”), illegal betting, and of course every male in America going into work Monday morning feeling like they have been hit with a semi-truck driven by Karl Malone.
That brings me to SLIM’S PREDICTIONS…Slim as well as all the guest writers to date have a little to say about the game on Sunday.
SO AWAY WE GO:
Super Bowl XLV is a match-up of opportunistic defenses and play making quarterbacks, which sets the stage for an exciting game. Ben Roethlisberger’s ability to slip away from blitzing linebackers as well as sexual assault allegations is world-renowned, but I think the Packers defense will read him his Miranda Rights this Sunday. Aaron Rodgers’ accurate passing and competitive fire is going to turn him into an NFL Superstar of Tom Brady proportions after the Super Bowl. A. Rog has so much “Quan” that even Rod Tidwell would be jealous. I predict a late Charles Woodson defensive touchdown will be the difference in the game.
Final Score: 27-20 Green Bay Packers
I have to go with the Steelers here for two main reasons:
1. I’ve heard reports that James Harrison has been locked up in a cage all week, starved, and repeatedly poked with a stick. Hide the women and children because when this guy gets out, it will be scary.
2. Big Ben Rapistberger has been there before. Not only is he clutch at 1 am at the club, he’s also clutch in the 4th quarter. I’ve bet against him too many times to get burned again.
As much as I’d like to see Green Bay win it all, I just don’t see it happening. (And I also recently heard that Aaron Rodgers has a “partner”, which really has no impact on the game, but is extremely questionable.)
Final Score: 31-27 Steelers…
Aaron Rodgers is the truth. Forget Manning, Brady and Brees, Rodgers is the most underrated QB in the league.
A. Rog finally gets in the winner’s circle. He is on fire and even the Steel Curtain can’t stop him. Packers have a huge game and makes Big Ben look like the overweight, slow. womanizer he is.
The Steel Curtain will fall to the Cheesehead Nation. Big Ben will drink his sorrows away and ends up in a North Texas brothel with a slew of more accusations.
Go Pack Go.
Final Score: Packers 28-24
It pains me to say this. I’m not talking scrape your shin on the playground pain. I’m not talking I drank too much and my head hurts pain. I’m talking passing kidney stones pain. I’m talking torn Achilles pain (I got you Slim)(Editors Note: Too Soon with the Achilles comment). I’m talking having to admit that the team that beat my Seahawks in the only Super Bowl Seattle will see for a long time will win on Sunday pain. Yes, I’m talking about the Pittsburgh Steelers winning Super Bowl XLV.
With the number one run defense, the number one defense for points surrender, and the unmatched experience this Steelers’ team has in this NFL Championship, I have to take the Black and Yellow. But it’s not just the defense I’
ll point too. This Steelers’ offense makes very minimal mistakes. Pittsburgh has a +17 turnover margin. Ben Roethlisberger has thrown 5 interceptions. Granted that’s over only 12 games, but Big Ben makes fewer mistakes than John Calipari at a home recruiting visit (please note I am only referring to Big Ben’s on the field mistakes). Not to mention Rashard “Two and Half” Mendenhall has lost only 2 fumbles all year on 324 carries (please graduate rehab Mr. Sheen, I need my CBS Mondays back).
The Green Bay Packers run defense is stout and it won’t help that Maurkice “I swear I’m going to play even though I probably can’t feel my left foot” Pouncey probably won’t play, however, Mike Tomlin always finds a way to get the running game going. Whether it be through screens, delayed runs, dumps to the flats, or looking exactly like Omar Epps, Tomlin is a master at getting Mendenhall involved. If the run game doesn’t break out though, 3rd and long is Big Ben’s favorite activity (trying to refrain). He wants to take a hit when he drops back (almost there), it buys him more time to scramble and find Mike Wallace for a secondary demoralizing 25 yard gain. It’s remarkable how Big Ben can shake and shed lineman like they’re assault charges (there it was, moving to the defense before this article hits NC-17).
So you’re telling me defense wins championships. OK. Do you know how many times the Steelers have allowed a half back to rush for over 50 yards? Four. And you’re telling me James Starks and John Kuhn are going to be game changers? I don’t think so. Troy’s hair and Company will bend against Aaron “I’m the Packers QB that doesn’t send text pics” Rodgers, but they will not break. It won’t surprise me if Rodgers throws for yards, but he will get hit, and hit hard. Dick LeBeau schemes as well as any defensive coordinator in the league. James Harrison, James Farrior, LaMar Woodley and the rest of the Steelers’ 600 linebackers will be in so many blitz formations, Rodgers will have to make a poor decision, which will ultimately lead to a third Pittsburgh Super Bowl in 6 years. Oh yeah, and I’m assuming our friend “Second Chance Ben” will throw a last second TD to win the game….
Final Score: Steelers 31 Packer 27
This is an easy pick for me. I love the Packers like Monterey “Monty” Jack from Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers loves his CHEESE! You know all of you love that show like I did. A-Rog right now is playing with more swag than the whole Young Money label (which includes Lil Wayne and Drizzy Drake.) Rodgers has so many targets to pick from that he is even making that white boy Nelson look good!
It will be tough to run against the Steel Curtain, but with how much they will be concentrated on the passing game, it will happen. With the rejuvenation of the Packs running game, led by James Starks, the play action will be in full force. I am not saying a lot of running, but I will say a soild 50 yard day for Starks and 40 from Mr. Rodgers (wont you be my neighbor.)
On defense, the Packers will stuff the run like they always do. They will send different blitz packages that are confusing and hard to read. Woodson will come off the corner and lay the WOOD-SON! Then with the long hair and “don’t care” attitude of Clay Matthews coming at you with cat like speed and delicious strength, Big Ben will fold like a cheap suit. Mendenhall can’t block those golden locks.
“Moves for days” or “The Real Big Smooth” should be the nickname of BJ Raji (sorry Sam Perkins.) I mean we all saw those smooth hips after he scored that touchdown a couple weeks back. He will play a big part of upsetting that O-line of the Steelers now that their center is at 75% with a broken bone and sprain in his ankle. This will be a good game but the Cheeseheads will be the ones smiling after the game.
Final Score: 24-17 PACKERS WIN SUPER BOWL XLV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. Yes, I have been a Packer fan from when this sweat shirt was made in the early 1980’s. Keepin it real.
I am going to be pretty quick and to the point with my Super bowl XLV selection…It is all about not making mistakes in games of this magnitude. Ask Peyton Manning from last year or Rich Gannon back in the day! I believe the Packers have more players on defense that can force the Steelers into mistakes. Big Ben will go down faster than…well you get my point, he is going down FAST and OFTEN in this game. He will be on his back more than Jenna Jamison on a Tuesday video shoot…And this time it will be BJ Raji on top not a guy by the name of Chuck Thrust.
Aaron Rodgers will be Super Bowl MVP and have his pick of the fine
st of ladies following the game.
I wish I had three hands so I could give the Packers and that girl in the first row THREE THUMBS UP.
Final Score: PACK 29-24
About the author
Slim had written 144 articles for Slim With The Tilted Brim