I’m Lil Tunechi, I’m a Nuisance, I go Stupid, I go Dumb Like the 3 Stooges…
Written by: Slim

Shaquille O’Neal, the Man, the Myth, the Legend:

Our dear, not so small 7’1 friend Shaq O’Neal retired last week from a career spanning 19 years.  Slim definetely felt the NEED to put a little something together for the big guy as Shaq has left us with countless nicknames, highlights and of course quotes upon quotes. 


  • 4× NBA Champion (2000, 2001, 2002, 2006)
  • 3× NBA Finals MVP (2000–2002)
  • NBA Most Valuable Player (2000)
  • NBA Rookie of the Year (1993)
  • 15× NBA All-Star (1993–1998, 2000–2007, 2009)
  • 2× NBA scoring champion (1995, 2000)
  • 8× All-NBA First Team (1998, 2000–2006)
  • 2× All-NBA Second Team (1995, 1999)
  • 4× All-NBA Third Team (1994, 1996–1997, 2009)
  • 3× All-Defensive Second Team (2000–2001, 2003)
  • NBA All-Rookie First Team (1993)
  • 3× NBA All-Star Game MVP (2000, 2004, 2009)
  • 1994 FIBA World Championship MVP


  • Shaq
  • The Diesel
  • Shaq Fu
  • The Big Daddy
  • Superman
  • The Big Agave
  • The Big Cactus
  • The Big Shaqtus
  • The Big Galactus
  • Wilt Chamberneezy
  • The Big Baryshnikov
  • The Real Deal
  • Dr. Shaq(after earning his MBA)
  • The Big Shamrock
  • The Big Leprechaun
  • Shaqovic
  • The Big Conductor
  • The Big Aristotle



“I’ve succeeded at every level, except high school and college.”

“Stay out of the gentlemen’s clubs. Get a lot of rest. Just have fun and relax and stay focused.”  (O’Neal’s secret to road wins.)

“David Stern should get with the mothers of the NBA and let the moms decide what the dress code should be. I asked my mother if I could wear a chain, and she told me yeah. So I do stuff that my parents allow me to do.”

“I am the number one Ninja and I have killed all the Shoguns in front of me.”

“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.”

“Me shooting 40% at the foul line is just God’s way to say nobody’s perfect.”

“Tell Yao Ming, ‘ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh…”

“There is no answer to the Pythagorean theorem. Well, there is an answer, but by the time you figure it out, I got 40 points, 10 rebounds and then we’re planning for the parade.”

“Nietzsche was so intelligent and advanced.  And that’s how I am. I’m the black, basketball-playing Nietzsche.”

“For all my friends in the media who like quotes, mark this quote down.  From this day on I’d like to be known as ‘The Big Aristotle’ because Aristotle once said, ‘Excellence is not a singular act; it’s a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.’

“But can’t nobodyFU*K with me. I’m like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I’m definitely proven to be effective.”

“I’m not worried about facing the Sacramento Queens.”

On New Jersey Nets coach, Laura, I mean, Lawrence Frank: “I don’t think anything of Laura Frank. You heard me—Laura Frank. Not Lawrence. Laura…It’s not that I blame him, I just wish he’d go to a manly tactic and just fight me. Don’t whine. When he whines, that’s when I change his name of Lawrence Frank.”

“He could be dominant—if he played in the WNBA.  Who? Erica Dampier?”

Shaq and Nate Rob have a very special relationship…Have you ever seen the movie TWINS?


I know God is going to give me a daughter one day…and for her senior prom, this 20 year old monster is going to be at my door…KARMA IS A BIT*H!

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About the author

Slim had written 35 articles for Slim With The Tilted Brim