And I’mma Hit This Drink Up Like It’s My Last, I’mma Hit This Night Up Like It’s My Last…
Written by: Slim

BASEBALL ALL UP IN YO FACE!

Coming in hot after the 4th of July like a Roman Candle, 37 Budweiser Beers and of course Kate Upton doing the dougie…I feel like she did not do well on the SAT II Verbal section. This is me NOT CARING!

BASEBALL, AT THE ALL-STAR BREAK:
St. Louis Cardinal star first baseman Albert Pujols was back last week after only missing 16 games with a broken wrist. I have had a hangover last more than 16 days…I have had a #2 session in the bathroom last more than 16 days. 16 days for a broken wrist? That can only happen when you are a MACHINE! “I’m no machine, I’m just Albert…”

The Baseball season is half over and you can better believe Slim has a few thoughts:
THINGS I LOVE:
-Pirates are winning…I miss the days of Bobby Bonilla, skinny Barry Bonds and Andy Van Slyke.  What do you know about Doug Drabek?
-The Mets Jose Reyes is back to being the best leadoff hitter in the game. Nobody knows how old he is, but that is neither here nor there.
-Red Sox slugger Big Papi David Ortiz constantly saying…“DOMINICANO!”
-The M’s rookie flame throwing pitcher Michael Pineda…I mean Ryan Howard, I mean Michael Pineda. (Check Below)
-The Cardinals Lance Berkman crushing longs balls like a freshman Theta.
-The Florida Marlins having a manager, Jack McKeon, who is so old…that he was old when Richard Nixon was in office.  THAT IS OLD!
-Derek Jeter hitting a HR for hit number 3,000, going 5-5 including the game winning RBI, then servicing Minka Kelly after like a 98′ Mazda Miata.
-The Upton brothers…reminding me of myself and my brother David, except that we were a force in the chorus and with show tunes. We do a hell of a rendition of Oklahoma, test us, I f’ing dare you. (And at least we weren’t like this dancing duo…)

THINGS I HATE:
-The after game shaving cream pie fiasco.
-Derek Jeter as an All-Star. Cal Ripken, paging Cal Ripken and his faux last five All-Star appearances.
-Dan Ugla on my fantasy baseball team.
-Jayson Werth on my fantasy baseball team.
-My fantasy baseball team.
-That Manny being Manny is no more.
-That Ken Griffey Jr. did not get the fan fare send off he deserved.

I am looking forward to the second half of the baseball season considering it is the only sport NOT locked out right now. What do we even have to look forward to in the upcoming months other than baseball. Can you say Women’s World Cup Soccer? Close your eyes and imagine this…Hope Solo coming into your living room on a hot summer day with a box of nice, cold box of Otter Pops just wearing just her goalie gloves. That is something I am definitely interested in! GO USA!

 

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About the author

Slim had written 35 articles for Slim With The Tilted Brim