Big Ass Bottles, Big Ice Buckets I Work Too Hard To Be Ballin’ On a Budget…
Written by: Slim

A few things to discuss on this always amazing Tuesday…or what I like to now call Taco Tuesday, which of course is Spanish for $1 TACOS EVERYWHERE IN L.A. “Hi, can I have an order of 42 tacos…for MYSELF.” And NO Slim is not currently weighing in at 240 lbs of pollo, rice and beans…or is he?

Monday night, Robinson Cano outlasted Adrian Gonzalez in a very entertaining Home Run Derby. But like I always do, and like I am in the bedroom, I am always striving for more…how? Well, I am glad you asked:
WAYS TO MAKE THE HOME RUN DERBY MORE EXCITING:
Ichiro Suzuki…Who doesn’t love a guy dropping bombs who weighs less than 95% of the women at the local Chilis’.
Metal Bats…or at least until the ball hits a peanut vendor going MACH 3 speed!
Alcohol…after each out, the player has to take a shot or a beer. Could be fun…Will for sure be MESSY! And like a bowl of SpaghettiO’s on a water bed, I like MESSY.
Retired Players…this competition needs to have an old school player hitting in the derby. You can’t honestly sit there, look me in the eye and think Ron Gant still can’t rake.
Steroids…Nothing better than Slammin’ Sammy and Mark McGwire hitting absolute moon balls in the late 90’s.   HGH is a hell of a drug…Look at Slammin’ Sammy, who is now white Sammy.

Just finished watching an absolute snoozer of an All-Star Game where the National League won 5-1. I was trying to figure out why I was about to turn the channel to Jeopardy in the 7th inning when I looked at the roster. The following players were actual ALL-STARS in 2011:

-Detroit Tigers SS Jhonny Peralta
-Tampa Bay Devil Rays LF Matt Joyce
-Minnesota Twins RF Michael Cuddyer
-Los Angeles Angels 2B Howie Kendrick
-Detroit Tigers Catcher Alex Avila
-Baltimore Orioles Catcher Matt Wieters
-Florida Marlins 1B Gaby Sanchez
-New York Yankee Pitcher David Robertson
-Los Angeles Angels Pitcher Jordan Walden
-Cleveland Indians Pitcher Chris Perez
-Washington Nationals Pitcher Tyler Clippard
-Pittsburgh Pirates Pitcher Joel Hanrahan

I think I speak for the entire United States when I say…WHO THE FU*K ARE THESE GUYS?!

Thank you Kenny Powers:

I’M Kenny Powers, I’m the CEO of K-SWISS, YOU SHUT UP!

 

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About the author

Slim had written 35 articles for Slim With The Tilted Brim