I Got a Jones Like Norah For Your Sorror’, Bring More of Them Girls I’ve Seen in the Aurora…Written by: Slim
Justin Timberlake, or “JT” as I like to call him, has been all over the sports world circuit the last few years from hosting the ESPY Awards to filming humorous sports videos. So I thought I would write a little something about the dreamboat for the common man to get to know him a little better.
Justin Randall Timberlake:
Weight: 175 lbs
Born: January 31, 1981
Hometown: Memphis, Tennessee
-Mickey Mouse Club
-Saturday Night Live Stud
-Movies on top of Movies
Accomplishments That Make My Pants Tingle:
-Jessica Biel (Slim’s future ex-wife…and no, I don’t do the prenup thang JBIEL)
-Britney Spears (When she was hotter than a tea kettle in the early morning)
-Fergie (Kind of Gross)
-Janet Jackson (Looks too much like MJ)
-Cameron Diaz (Only if she wore the undergarments from the Charlie’s Angels Dance…C’mon, we have all seen it.)
-Scarlett Johansson (Would honestly sell my best friend out harder than CAESER AND BRUTUS to be with SCARJO)
-Alyssa Milano (An oldie, but a goodie).
THINGS I WOULD DO TO BE JT:
-Kill someone, honestly, KILL SOMEONE…
-Facebook friend NBA Commissioner David Stern…
-Watch the Notebook for a month straight with my 11th grade stalker…his name was Mr. Craig and he taught P.E.
-Shower next to Plaxico Burress in Cell Block C for 10 minutes…(And no, I can’t wear board shorts)
-Go 2 rounds with Mike Tyson, pre sexual assault.
-Go 10 rounds with Mike Tyson, post sexual assault.
-Get sexually assaulted by Mike Tyson.
-Take a Tiger Woods 7-iron to the huevos…(he’s got nothing since turkey day 09′).
-Take a naked whirlpool with Greg Louganis.
-Go shot for shot of bourbon with ol’ Mickey Mantle…(if I die, my brother gets to be JT).
-Hang with Big Ben Roethlisberger, I mean REALLY HANG with BIG BEN…
-Play Mini golf with Shooter McGavin and have that annoying, skinny guy yell “Jack-Ass” at me 1,264 times.
-Compete in a “Who’s better looking” contest with Tim Tebow…
-Right now, go to graduate school at Washington State University and have Ryan Leaf as a dorm roommate. Regents Hall anyone?
-Have a conversation with Titan’s RB Chris Johnson and understand every word he is saying…
-Take Holiday photos for the rest of my life with the Nuggets Chris “Birdman” Anderson.
JT IN THE HOUSEEEEEEE: