Well You Should See Me Now, I’m Eatin’ Wheaties Now, I’m Stealin Second and Third and Lookin’ Home Peepin’ Greedy Now…
Written by: Slim

Tuesday, September 12th…About a week into the 2011 College Football Season.  Thank F’ing GOD!

Slim wanted to get at you with some quick notes on the first few weeks:
-Without a doubt in my mind, Oregon RB LaMichael James is making well over $100k this year, with full bene’s (cool way of saying benefits).

-Alabama RB Trent Richardson is an actual descendant of a T-REX, the same T-REX that ate the sh*t out of that lawyer on the Jurassic Park toilet…HE IS THAT F’ING STRONG.

-Michigan QB Denard Robinson looks and plays smoother than a Ray Charles “C Note”…especially with these new uniforms.

-My favorite name in college football…Miami DB Ray Ray Armstrong, “so nice they named him twice”, is suspended for the first 4 games for doing what every player in the NCAA does these days, taking that CASH MONEY!

-Oklahoma State WR Justin Blackman has stickier hands than a fat kid at a Las Vegas buffet…did someone order soft serve with the brownie surprise?  And yes, he has braces…WHICH IS SO SWEET!

-Oklahoma QB Landry Jones wins the contest for best mustache…but since there are never winners when having a stache’ or living in Oklahoma he ultimately LOSES. What the FU*K is a sooner…WHAT THE F*CK is JUICE!?


-Three questions for Penn State Head Coach Joe Paterno “JoePa”…is the Athletic Director literally gonna have to drag your dead body from the field? How do you seriously relate to a 18 year old kid from inner city Philly who tweets, moves like bernie and has never learned cursive? Finally and most importantly, how cool was it when Eli Whitney invited the cotton gin?


-Terrelle Pryor, oh wait, Jim Tressel, oh wait, Maurice Clarett oh wait, Vernon Gholston oh wait, Troy Smith oh wait, Anthony Gonzalez oh wait, Beanie Wells oh wait, EVEN Greg Oden oh wait, THE OHIO STATE more like THE BUST STATE! And I am not talking “BUSTY”y Cops!

 

-Starting 0-2 with a terrible loss at Michigan, the Luck of the Irish has definitely ran out for ol’ Notre Dame…It seems that ever since the “Bush Push”, Notre Dame cannot get the losing/choking monkey off their back. And no, when I say the “Bush Push”, I am not talking about George W’s housing market correction or the infamous 70’s adult film with Chuck Thrust. Look it up, it has to do with Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart actually scoring a TD.

-Dreads, Dreads, Dreads…EVERYWHERE IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL.

Finally to finish off strong and to prep you for an upcoming NFL article…TOM BRADY, so fresh he makes UGGs for men look f’ing COOL!

 

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About the author

Slim had written 35 articles for Slim With The Tilted Brim